Trouble Brothers

04:10 pm: Boys and "Playground Rules"

(Cross-Posted to 20splinters)

So I found this from the other  morning, written out on an envelope in a script so tiny and precise it might have well have been typeset:

7:15 am

11/08/2009

Troy & Gage just got into a fight. Over a girl. Mickey's been known to get a little jealous over one of his paramours seeming to like one of the rest of us better, but Gage isn't like that. Gage seems upset because Troy doesn't want to share this one at all. I don't understand why Gage is so upset though, since Troy doesn't even have a date with her yet.

This is why I prefer to remain a child. Kid's don't have to worry about this silly stuff. I just play my video games, crack the systems, hack the game if I feel like it, and do long division and calculus in my head to keep the body awake while somebody else drives on road trips.

- Analyst

Strange, he didn't sign it “the Analyst.” Of course as I finished typing that, I got the distinct impression of him looking up from sitting cross-legged, face awash with the bluish sheen of his computer screen (I recently remade his Sims character to have those pale blue high lights!), as always, and quietly but firmly saying, “I have no need of your numbers. I don't care if I have any power in here.” He's referring to that numerology stuff I calculated out – badly! - a couple weeks ago. He's happy just to have a game to play and hack. I need to get around to making him an icon one of these days.

In case people are wondering what's going on between me and Gage over that girl, it's just a little case of “I saw her first.” I just want the chance to get to know her and ask her out on my own, no interference from headmates. It was only a few minor words between Gage and me. He understands and isn't upset anymore. It's basic “playground rules” in here, at least among us boys. Gage and I get along well, and we'd rather not get into a fight, especially over a girl that he didn't even seem interested in until he sensed that she was “off limits” to him. And I'll get around to asking her out when I get to it. Right now, there's a lot of far more important stuff that needs to get done first. Like for instance getting out of this Hell hole. Between the landlord's failure to do upkeep on the place and the drunk/drug addict housemates, I'd be embarrassed to bring anybody here even after I gave my room a thorough cleaning! So that means coming up with enough money for at least first month's rent and deposit somewhere else. Back burner for anything relating to sex and dating! (Except for the little day dreams and fantasies as I'm winding down to sleep. Not giving those up! ;-) )

–  Troy
 

06:52 pm: ...

My god! The icons on here suck! At least half of the icons on just about all of our journals suck! And neither Gretchen nor the Analyst even have icons, yet we still have Moloka'i's on here. Stupid.

Dowloading images from LJ, photobucket, and anywhere else [in]appropriate.

And staring at icons of a couple people who are body friends that also happen to be very hot....

- Troy

04:59 pm: Because People Asked
Sorry for the lack of colored text to show who's writing instantly. Got internet at home now, but it's with a TV for a monitor, which causes not only resolution issues, but also for some reason only does internet in b/w 90 % of the time, so I can't tell what's my chosen orange. Okay, got it fixed at library computer. Have I mentioned before how much I hate this layout that Mickey set up on here?

Anyway, I mentioned something a week or so ago in 20splinters  about doing stuff that a female body's not supposed to be able to do, but my headmates insisted that I not write it out fully from a public internet place like the library I was at. no such issue here!

Stuff like this happens generally only when I'm half asleep, I guess because I'm too aware of the body's gender when I'm awake, and there's just certain stuff like manners that while I ignore quite a few, sorry, but rubbing up against some one when you're horny, especially if they might still be asleep, is just something that I think men should be shot for. But I have been known to do it a time or few when I'm half-asleep.

So the body's still sort of in a relationship with a bisexual male body, and a couple months ago he crawled into bed with me when I was asleep. I sort of woke up, curled up against his back, and started having erotic dreams. He kind of half-woke me, said he could feel me about to penetrate his ass and told me to go ahead.  So I went ahead and fucked him up the ass, got both of us off. This body, being female,  is not supposed to be capable of that., but we both felt it.

I make no claims of understanding science or magic or knowing proper procedure for proving anything. I just go with my gut instincts mainly, or what feels good when the moments right for that. Take that and make whatever you want of it.

- Troy

06:21 pm: mud

I am having one of those days where I wonder why I even bothered to get up. Or why the human race ever bothered evolving. Back into the trees! No, wait! Back even further! Belly down and back into the primordial ooze with all of us!!!

(Maybe if we try going through the evolutionary process again something worthwhile will exist instead of humans. I really hate counting myself as one of them some days.)

-Troy

11:13 am: Calmer Now
Just knowing that some things are going to get handled today removes a lot of stress I wasn't even aware that I was carrying.  Joey brought me up to date on plans to go pick up stuff last night, and my initial reactions apparently scared her.  I wanted to go over there with a crow bar in my hand, and was thinking this, and she asked me to notice how I start moving when I think thoughts like that.  Apparently I move like a very high level martial artist, fast yet perfectly balanced silent steps, shoulders tensed to be able to throw a maximum  force blow at an instant's notice, eyes lethally focused and looking for any threat, face set in a fully aggressive expression.  I'm not afraid of this guy, and I think he knows it.  Really hates dealing with me, gets the hell out of my way most of the time.  I am not dangerous to the general population, but if you threaten this body or hit a kid in front of me, I will go full psych ward on you! Yes, I am very very protective of children.  I do not like to be touched, but when a little girl ran into me a few weeks ago, the headmates noticed that I didn't get pissed off like I do when an adult accidentally bumps me. Children are still learning their way around this world and can be hurt in ways that they do not understand.

A few lines from a song:
"You think they're joking, you have to go provoking him, I think it's high time you found out." That's from "Half-Jack" by Dresden Dolls. I have been purposely not getting back on the bipolar meds, because I don't want to risk the possibility that they would inhibit me from going full psycho raging if it is necessary. Let the situation clear up, and I'll start back on them the next day.

- Troy

08:58 pm: I Want
 I really want to go beat a certain somebody uip right now, but I know that's a bad idea and I probably don't have a real chance of winning it anyway, so I won't.  I should probably go talk to a friend and run this stuff by him, or her.  I think it's Candy up at the moment.  Fucking multiples!  You never know who you're talking to from moment to moment! Shit.  I'm pissed off and my brain isn't working right.  Testosterone makes you stupid.  Nothing but fight it or fuck it urges. There we go!  Music change!  That'll snap my mood back!  I just wish the NIN would download faster. Did you know you can control bipolar mood swings to a certain extent just by pushing yourself through all sorts of extreme moods in rapid order through other means?  I should probably cut down on the caffeine though.  I'm hallucinating from it and I I need to sleep tonight so I can get shit done tomorrow morning.  

- Troy

12:05 am: Music
Too many of my headmates are overly picky about music.  Open your fucking minds!  You never know what you may learn! This may not be anything like my preferred music style, but kind of interesting.  

 Nobody responds to my posts or replies anymore.  Cool!  Everybody hates me!

- Troy

(Oh shit!  He's happy!  Nothing good can come of this!)

11:57 am: Because the most "butch" female in here had problems with it

First: I do not have regular internet access, so it probably will take at least a good week for me to get back on anything.

Now that that's out of the way, how does male sexual arousal work for you within a female body?  I know that one of the other male headmates just tends to trigger all sorts dripping wet crotch goo just by thinking about sexual things, and while I do that as well, apparently I caused SEVERE pain by becoming highly aroused myself.  Right.  I understand human anatomy to the point of what specfic tissues develop into what when a fetus goes through its gender differenciation phase, and in a female body, basically the clitoris corresponds to the head (tip) of the penis and the G-spot corresponds to the base end, but the full organ lies entirely within the female body.  Apparently, I got so turned on that my female headmate felt like the full length of the organ was trying to rip its way out of the bottom of her pelvis, and since I live in a body that's gone through childbirth, and she's got some severe pain tolerance herself, feeling the amount of pain that she was in is really saying  A LOT!

She yelled at me for that, told me to get front and deal with my own damned issue, but I'm an extreme masochist (enjoy pain), and was currently aroused by thought of pain, so that didn't quite work out right. (There's actually still some residual pain, even though that was around 3 days ago.  I'm really bad with time, so I'm not exactly sure if it's really 3 days.)

I don't even know if I'm looking for advice, but she wanted me to write up something about this, so there it was.

BTW, hi.  This is my first entry here.

- Troy

07:56 pm: Rooms in the head

There's a war brewing in here.  The council's in session; the slaughterhouse is open; the girl with no face is screaming and sobbing again.  The slaughterhouse is not mine.  I merely found it open and tossed in the body parts and meat hooks for atmosphere.  I have done no harm to the girl with no face - she has neither mind, soul, nor life.  She is nothing more than a bad horror movie prop.  This isn't making much sense, is it?  I'll try to explain.  

There's this whole head world in here: a large main room which rearranges itself according to the situation at hand, so it currently looks like a council chamber with the big long table surrounded by high-backed chairs for us to sit in while we discuss life events and come to a decision, then there's a long corridor of doors off of the right side, white walls with red doors, some of the rooms behind the doors are people's rooms, some of them are "other," such as the slaughterhouse and the room with the girl with no face (more on her later),  and then off to the left of the main room are portals to other worlds and such where some of our members are from or go to when they don't want or need to be here.  There's other stuff in here, but I haven't explored all of it yet. There's things more important than that going on right now.

A war brewing in here is a very bad thing.  It's pretty standard to have regular uprisings by the undesireable, irresponsible members in here so that the more responsible members have to rise up and slap their nasty little asses back down, and it's even normal for responsible members to have little disagreements over things and have to work them out or decide who's desires are going to get acted on.  Total war is different.  This has happened before.  It tends to happen in uncertain, potentially dangerous situations.  Responsible members try to deal with the situation effectively, and some of them say "Stay" and some of them say "Go," and at some point, the ones that said "Go" get sick of the body staying and leave internally, whether by taking off through one of the portals or shutting themselves in their rooms and taking "long naps."  Last time this happened, we got left with someone very newly into existence and not really capable yet of handling things on her own stuck at front all alone.  She very quickly went into a severe depression and damned near let life fall completely apart over the course of the next few months. That's all past history for another time,  For the here and now, there's already been at least one strong capable member who's said, "I'm out" and is on the verge of leaving.  Life situation needs to either change or be bailed out of with the entire body in the very near future.  I personally will act in either direction, for a while, and just keep voicing my opinions, but if this does look like it's turning very very bad, I will remove the entire body from the situation, whether everyone agrees or not.

So about the girl with no face - I don't know what her purpose is.  You'll be wandering around headspace, hear sobbing, go check it out, open that door, and see the skinny girl with long dark hair sitting on the floor with her back to you crying.  You talk to her, no response, so you go up and try to get her attention, touch her shoulder, and she turns around and screams and where her face should be, there's just this bloody mess of razor-edged tentacles or wires that shoot out and cut you.  Everybody else in here is terrified of her and runs away at that point, but she doesn't chase you, she doesn't do anything except that one initial cheap horror movie effect, then she goes completely motionless until the room resets.  So I stuck around to see if there was anything more to her than that, if there was a consciousness there, and I got rather brutal with some of my methods.  Whatever.  She's not an actual person or living thing that can be hurt, and we now know that she's not one of us, not yet another new member of this head.  We need to know information like that!

- Troy

05:30 am: Explanation of a name
This entry is really long messed up with bad HTML text because of something Mickey did in setting up this journal, so I'm just gonna throw the whole thing behind an lj cut, if the feature actually works this time. ( Read more... )

06:41 pm: So I decided on a name
Troy 

03:30 am: I Don't Know
I guess I'm new here, as far as recognizing myself as an actual being.  Joey, of the main multiple journal says I come from her having a weird dream, seeing the body's biological disorder as a person that you can talk to and work with. Alien/dissonant to the body gets generally interpreted as male, so here I be.  I don't know.  I don't understand; but I am here. 

The red lines help me for spelling. They tell me that green lines will help my grammar.  I had to go away/move the body for a moment.  They've been moving boxes, and even though the oven and stove were turned off, I smelled burning, moved the single box off of the stove.  I don't know what burning is or feels like, but they tell me it is a VERY bad thing, something that could kill all of us at once.  I do not even understand what life or death are, but they tell me that once you go into death, you cannot experience life.  I would like to experience both, so i will stay away from death until I have had experience with life.  I checked the stove and oven, made sure everything was turned off, and still removed the cardboard box that was sitting on top of the stove.  I hope that's enough. I don't know.  I don't even care if they start calling me "I don't know"  I don't know if I am the physical/biological [manifestation] (word they supplied to me) of the bipolar disease or not.  I'm just HERE.

Physical description of myself, as much as I know: I am skinny.  I have red hair, and while they tell me it's just pulled back into a female hairstyle bun, I think it's just really short.  The longest part is the stringey bangs, which I only say because all of "the boys" carry a similar trait of running their fingers through and pulling their front hair when they get stressed, and I have inherited that trait.  I don't know exactly how old I am, but all my "headmates" - female or male - seem to think I am  a teenager. 

I am Joey's first male head-offspring.  I only know that because she tries to both educate and protect me like a child, like she does for what she calls "her miscreant children" [headmates] that have formerly all been female, and she does not do that with the other boys

Fire, FIRE, FIRE!!!


I was losing myself.  I don't really like the harsh throat irritation of smoking a cigarette, but I like seeing the flame come to light, seeing how the smoke curls.  Joey, my mother, tells me not to drop the cigarette into what she calls "tinder," but I would like to see it burn.  Joey says the bipolar is under control right now, and that's why I'm not  burning the whole building down.  She's probably right.  I put the cigarette out, but fire is pretty.  It is a beautiful, wild, untamed beast that devours everything in its path.  She talks about pills/meds that would stop me, but now that I have a sense of myself, the pills might kill me.  I think death would be an interesting experience, but they say you can't come back to life once you go to death.

Joey, my mother, is crying right through me.  She wants me to step back so she can take over.  She says that she was "only joking" about even bringing me into full existence, but now that I'm here, she didn't like that I instantly looked at death.  She wants me to live, and she would be somehow less than she is if I walked straight into death.  I understand that mothers name their children and she said I somehow remind her of an actor Jared Leto, but since I'm at least near adult at coming into existence, I get to choose my own name.  I like Leto.

I don't know anything; I am pulling others' memories to type and make this entry; I may find a better name, but for now, I like Leto. And the Tasuki animated image is close enough to how I think I look.

04:14 pm: Nothing Much
Moloka'i's returned and added himself in here.
I don't care.
Lia may be returning in her full reckless and wild adult form.
I don't care.
There may be a new male member here that we know nothing about other than that he seems to have red hair.
I don't care.
I am drinking out of a very delicate girlie coffee mug.
I am slightly perturbed.
Somebody smoked all my cigarettes last night.
Now I'm pissed!

Not really. 
Well, maybe. 
I am fiending rather badly. 
I should just quit smoking.
Like that would last more than a day.

More some other time.

~Mickey

Edit/Update: I just figured out how to use the rich text option.  From here on out, entries by different members will be done in different text colors. Test run on colors to see if they show up well:

Mickey
Moloka'i
Wish
Gage
Nemesis
Reptile
Anakin
Troy
 

11:34 pm: Wake Up
Greetings and Salutations,

The rest of the boys here don't like me.  So be it.  I'll probably stick to the main multiple journal, 20splinters, but I couldn't resist sticking an icon here.

Moloka'i

03:11 am: Name
Do you like green ale and spam?
They're neither lager nor like ham.
Would you drink it from the can?
Would you fry it in a pan?
Do you ban it from your mail?
Can you hold it in a pail?

Uh, that was funnier the other night when Joey and I were both sleep deprived and keeping each other awake trying to figure out what to call this journal and the corresponding emails. I don't even know what I'm thinking right now, but anything to drown out Joey chanting the lyrics to "Hey Mickey!" in my head. I had the name before that song ever came out, and I don't care if my Sims character is the heartthrob of the neighborhood!

~Mickey